if you know what i'm singing about up here come on raise your hands

Not sure if any other song on the planet means as much to me as this one...

it's like that

Once upon a time there was something and then last Thanksgiving I wrote 30 demos and then in March they were lost because of a failed HD before they were done. It was called "Vampires" and it's about to become undead (please forgive the pun).

1.1.12.

you were not the same after that

This could be the most transparent post I've written in a long time.

Last year I wrote, recorded and released over 100 songs on my own in my own way. Something that I'm not sure many have done and honestly, something I wasn't sure I could do. Over the course of that year, I was offered a record deal and turned it down, got violently ill and lost my voice for over a month, and then became antisocial due to anxiety until it got to a level that may have only previously been seen in Sly Stone.

Earlier this year I made a decision to move home. It was a terribly difficult decision because at the time I was clicking with the city I lived in and I was in a groove. It was the absolute right decision and I'm finally where I should be and with the people I needed to be with and while there has been a gap in my music production, there's a very definite reason for it. Or several actually...

Being a fan of so many prolific artists I never used to understand why artists take time off between records. What I'm starting to understand is that every time you record a new group of songs, it pulls something out of you and truly does shift the world around you in ways that are often difficult to understand and also difficult to grasp. When I started recording the 100 Demos, I was starving for validation that I could write decent music. When I originally posted the first 15 here on New Year's Eve '10 I didn't get much feedback and it frustrated me to the point that I became a wreck and lost faith in what I was doing.

Then, in April I posted the songs to Soundcloud because I had listened to a track by one of the artists I most admire that was posted out there. Thank you Orion. Thank you DRA...again. After that it all changed. I couldn't predict that people would actually care and it fueled the fire continually for months and months. Just knowing someone will listen is sometimes more important than them listening. I quit sending my music to my close friends and just started down this other path.

I guess the point is this. I started doing this on a quest for validation that was possibly extraneous because I listen to enough music that I can generally tell what is "good" and what isn't. Honestly though, where I've landed is that art is art and what I might think is not so good or is great changes based on circumstances in my life. There really is no "good" or "bad." There really is just did you create something or did you just talk about it.

I've drifted a bit...the point is that I haven't recorded as much this year because I have changed. My perception has changed, my location has changed and I'm around people who have been missing from my life for the last five years and I've just been taking that in and loving every minute of it because I've needed them more than I will ever admit (except this one time). Mostly the same way I needed to write all those songs. 2012 will be a big year. I promise. You will be able to buy vinyl directly from this site, facebook or from the Broken Pony site once I have a minute to launch it and I was talking to my brother tonight about planning some sessions.

So in closing, for those of you who have been there for the last year plus (or for all of those years), please know:

You are my light.

I can't thank you enough for what you have given me. I don't know if this post will even do my thoughts justice but I figured I would try. Thank you.

New stuff coming. I'm behind schedule and may have to revise my plan...but there will be a lot more music in the next few weeks and we'll see where it lands. Ripped my voice up at karaoke earlier in the week. More to come...

the heart kills everything

I wrote this about a month ago and decided to use some lyrics I created a while ago because they fit. Part of my space rock opera. More on this later when I write about that entire project. This either falls between Princess of the Traffic Lights and Calm Down or between Calm Down & Everything's Fucked. Final placement is still pending...

362 to go...

The Heart Kills Everything by m3d1um

the lights are out and i'm staring at the ceiling

I wrote this a few months ago. I remember I was walking home late one night and I'd had the idea before when I'd been feeling pretty sick pretty consistently but then the whole thing kind of popped into my head later and came out the other night. The thing I like is that when I started this, it kind of started out sounding like my older jam Heartbreaker but shifted midstream when I was putting in the distorted guitar and I'm pretty happy with the end result. 363 to go...

Hospital Bed by m3d1um

what doesn't kill us only kills us eventually

Compared to 2010, 2011 has been pretty quiet as far as my musical output. There are a lot of reasons for that that I don't want to or can't go into. Instead I've decided that I'll just record and release an average of one song per day for the next year. Obviously there are days I won't be able to record but that's why we have weekends. So, to get this going here's a new song:

7:23 by m3d1um

364 to go...This is from an album I conceptualized at the end of last year but really only started working on this year. More to come as I release more of it. Peace...

Tonight tonight.

Extended break over... 12:00 AM CST. "I'm Not in Love With You" & possibly one other new demo are dropping. Game on.

...

you made a big impression for a girl your size

7 Days. It's not very long. I'll miss certain aspects of Seattle very very much but it's time. I'm returning to everyone and everything that I abruptly left 5 years ago and it feels pretty right. There is just so much love there that it is overwhelming and the next chapter is going to be massive. Thank you Seattle for helping me find myself. Thank you Seattle for allowing me to change. Thank you Seattle for pretty much helping me finally believe in myself. I'll always love you for that and if we meet again someday there will be tears on both sides.

we all come from the same december and in the end that's where we'll go

The song above is the first song I listened to in 2011. It's fitting for many reasons and I'll spare the details because it could lead to a diatribe. I want to wish anyone who reads this the best for the new year. It's going to be a good one. The new music is progressing but at a much slower pace because a) I've been spending some time focusing on other things and b) I just want it to grow a bit more before I release it because I feel like these new songs are unlike anything I've done in the past. More on that soon enough and in a day or two I will probably do the first internet radio broadcast but I'm still working out the details. Look here & on FB for more info on that.