the sun sets over paradise

#015 - Without a Parachute - 2003

"Parachute" was written in 2003 with Travis during a late night jam. Originally recorded in one take, the lyrics are pretty much the same as the night I free-styled them. For a long time, I couldn't decide what this song should be or where it should go. It was a part of "The Gun Show" for a while and spent some time as part of "Emotional Masochism" and it's still kind of floating around. It's totally a love song although I'm not really sure who I was thinking about when I wrote it even though 2003 would indicate one of two people really but I would like to think I wrote it for neither of them because I like the song too much to chain it to those memories. One other thing, in case you missed it...it's not about suicide and it's also not about unprotected sex (although I told someone once that it was just to get a reaction) it's totally about limitless love and I think I can happily say that with this arrangement it kind of moved up on my own list maybe because every line in this song somehow(even though it's 6+ years old) means something significant to me or maybe because it reminds me of one of my favorite songs at least in the way it feels and the potential I see for what it could be. I don't know, I'm just rambling now so I'm going to post the lyrics...

"Without a Parachute"

The sun sets over paradise

I’ll let you be my only vice

But I don’t know where I’ll sleep tonight

The dogs are barking on the avenue

The clouds are spelling I love you

Graffiti from a jet plane passing by

I’m leaving on a westbound rail

Conscience on my tail

Now I can’t remember the first time I ran away

I’d jump without a parachute

Your dominoes are falling down

The pieces are not jumping into place

The way that I positioned them and now

I’m tripping all over me

When I should have been lying down next to you

I’d jump without a parachute

The writing on the wall

I think I see your name but it’s too blurred

I can’t make it out in the dark

I’m thinking that it says you were close to me

And we will always be one at heart

But I’m really having trouble digesting your words tonight

I’d jump without a parachute

The midnight breathing’s heavy

Your residue is on my skin

Not sure if time just ended

Or where life begins

How am I supposed to know

Where your world is moving every minute

When I was never in it

To begin with

I’d jump without a parachute

To prove I’m so in love with you

the moon is spinning and the sky is bleeding stars

#014 - I'm So Frightened - 2009

"I'm So Frightened" was written as part of the previously mentioned space opera and is part of a suite of 3 songs that when combined represent the main character on an acid trip. This piece in particular is the part where it starts to turn bad (hence the noise and the lyrics). It's a very noisy song and more of an experiment than the stuff I have posted previously. There are actually two sets of lyrics to this song, one male the other female with them trading verses (one about the drugs and one about growing old). It ties into the story that I can't really disclose but it the original demo I did with pitch shifted female vocals didn't sound right and so I stripped it back to a single character singing. Anyway, lyrics below. Be forewarned this song has a lot of dissonance. Lyrics...

"I'm So Frightened"

Uh oh, it looks like this time I’ve gone too far

The moon is spinning and the sky is bleeding stars

The wind is burning and my body is getting cold

I’m so frightened cuz these drugs are taking hold

Oh no, this void is too much for me to bare

I’m slowly floating to the middle of nowhere

My mind is tripping to the edge of outer space

I’m so frightened as the sunbeams form your face

Tell me what

Should I do

To stop the sun

From glowing blue

the night is late he's full of hate and loaded up on booze

#013 - Blender - 2007

Blender was a song I wrote in 2007 right after I moved to Seattle. It's part of "The Gun Show" and in so many words, the lyrics pretty much describe what it feels like to go on a hardcore whiskey binge (not that I would know anything about that, heh). I recorded an acoustic version in 2008 and talked about it on this blog back then but this version is waaaaaay better and is closer to how I originally envisioned it when I was writing it. Also, since 2008, I've added a verse and a guitar solo. Words are below. Peace out.

"Blender"

The complicated nightmare it assaults him endlessly

Can’t tell up from down just knows he needs her constantly

And even though he’s fading out he loves her desperately

But he’s too weak to follow through, fulfill that destiny

His heart stuck in a blender

Another week long bender

And now he don’t remember what he said

He wasn’t trying to offend her

Locked inside his drunk surrender

And now he kind of wishes he was dead

Yeah now he kind of wishes he was dead

The words scrawled on that napkin are far too blurred to read

But every other scribble just expresses one more need

He probably should have left before the wounds began to bleed

He probably should have dropped it but he won’t accept defeat

His heart stuck in a blender

Another week long bender

And now he don’t remember what he said

He wasn’t trying to offend her

Locked inside his drunk surrender

And now he kind of wishes he was dead

Yeah now he kind of wishes he was dead

The record sings a perfect song you’ll never understand

It says he thought she loved him and then she turned and ran

And now his heart’s as empty as the bottle in his hand

The same old tired love song from the same old broken man

His heart stuck in a blender

Another week long bender

And now he don’t remember what he said

He wasn’t trying to offend her

Locked inside his drunk surrender

And now he kind of wishes he was dead

Yeah now he kind of wishes he was dead

The night is late he’s full of hate and loaded up on booze

Alarms are ringing loud but his brain is hitting snooze

His mind is wrecked so by design he’s gonna get confused

It’s hard to give a fuck when there’s nothing left to lose

His heart stuck in a blender

Another week long bender

And now he don’t remember what he said

He wasn’t trying to offend her

Locked inside his drunk surrender

And now he kind of wishes he was dead

Yeah now he kind of wishes he was dead

it's really hard to catch a buzz

#012 - The Love That Never Was - 2006

The Love That Never Was is one more from "The Gun Show." I kind of had the idea for the chorus/title way before I had anything else. It was partially due to a bogus "online relationship" I was in at the time that had me miserable (and ultimately forced me to swear off online dating in any way shape or form). Anyway, it's a testament to relationships that die and carry on despite the fact there's nothing left or there was nothing there to begin with.

"The Love That Never Was"

See I could drink a fifth of gin

And sit here with a crooked grin

I’ll ponder why I let you in

When my whole life is one big sin

An empty look upon your face

The look that fuels my endless chase

I need to plot my great escape

To flee from you without a trace

It’s really hard to catch a buzz

When you’re making such a fuss

You’re rambling on and on about trust

And a love that never was

A love that never was

A love that never was

You know I’m seeing all the signs

The ones that read “You’re doing time”

Wishing I could hit rewind

To a place where love was truly blind

Now you know I can’t refrain

From calling you my ball and chain

I’m trying so hard to maintain

But you’ve pushed me too far past insane

It’s really hard to catch a buzz

When you’re making such a fuss

You’re rambling on and on about trust

And a love that never was

A love that never was

A love that never was

This game’s so played and so obscene

You know it makes me want to scream

And truthfully this whole thing seems

Like my big nightmare your wet dream

Looks like the end’s not far away

I’m praying for it every single day

Cuz right now I’m too torn and frayed

And I’ve just got nothing good to say

It’s really hard to catch a buzz

When you’re making such a fuss

You’re rambling on and on about trust

And a love that never was

A love that never was

A love that never was

It’s really hard to catch a buzz

When you’re making such a fuss

You’re rambling on and on about trust

And a love that never was

A love that never was

A love that never was

and just getting laid wasn't worth what i paid

#011 - Congratulations (You Broke Me) - 2001

This song sat around forever. I wrote it in 2001 and could never get it quite right until this fall. Totally intended for "Emotional Masochism" before I even concepted that album and recorded in late night sessions for years without satisfaction. I am very happy with these lyrics and the way it all kind of played out with the moog. It's partially about the one person in my life that it still hurts to think about and that's all I'm going to say about it. This recording was intentionally left kind of raw from a vocals perspective because I felt like it worked better that way. Lyrics below:

"Congratulations (You Broke Me)"

My whole world hurts

And the pain is much worse

Worse than it used to be before

Before you went away

And all I can say

Is I still have the jacket you wore

And just getting laid

Wasn’t worth what I paid

Cuz you left me feeling just like a whore

Congratulations you broke me

Does that make you happy?

Now that you’ve fractured my heart

Are you feeling elated?

Now that you’ve destroyed me

Now that I’m falling apart

These months seem like years

And I’m never in the clear

When I’m staring at pictures of you

I hate that it hurts

I really wanted this to work

but distance was long overdue

I can’t can’t go back home

So I’ll sit here alone

And pretend that I’m not black & blue

Congratulations you broke me

Does that make you happy?

Now that you’ve fractured my heart

Are you feeling elated?

Now that you’ve destroyed me

Now that I’m falling apart

The scars won’t wash off

And I’m too sick to cough

And the cuts are all too deep to stitch

I’ll sing to survive

But I won’t feel alive

And all the notes are falling off pitch

Everyone’s staring

Cuz they know how I’m faring

And deep down they all know you’re a bitch

Congratulations you broke me

Does that make you happy?

Now that you’ve fractured my heart

Are you feeling elated?

Now that you’ve destroyed me

Now that I’m falling apart

tonight i feel so cold and empty

#010 - How Many Times? - 2004

How Many Times? falls in the group of songs that were basically free-styled during a late night drunken jam with my good friend Travis during the "Busdriver" days (before the rapper stole our name). We recorded it once and I transposed the lyrics from that old sloppy recording and added some sloppy harmonica. This is considered somewhere between "The Gun Show" and "Emotional Masochism" but may end up on a yet-to-be-named acoustic record. The length is due to the way it was written. We used to just keep playing and it ended up with some good, but longer than 3 and a half minutes type songs. Also, note that there's not much of a chorus.

"How Many Times?"

The color in your eyes has left me blinded

Now I’m wondering why

I’ve tried so many times to fall in love

But I can’t find it

And it makes me want to cry

I’m hurting now

What’s up with you?

I used to think that life was good

Baby now we’re through

And I’m just dying

Dying alone

Now after everything we’ve been through

And all those separate times or hearts have strayed

Feels just like an endless dress rehearsal

Of some old desperate tragic play

Now I don’t know what I’m doing

And I don’t know what I need

How many times will you destroy me?

Before I concede to this defeat?

Tonight I feel so cold and empty

I’m feeling much more lost than found

My mind is shattered it’s beyond me

And I can’t pick my heart up off the ground

So darling won’t you please tell me

What do I need to do to set me free?

How many times will I let you break me?

How long will I let this carry on?

How many times will I spin the same record?

How many times will I write the same song?

So now I guess that life is perfect

Despite the fact you’re always on my mind

If I could erase you from this process

It’d be a better way to spend my time

How many times will you hurt me?

How many times will you wake me in the night?

How many times are you going to scar me?

How many times will I miss the light?

And I guess now that’s everything

Every little thing that’s on my mind

One last message left for you to ponder

Without you here how can I say I’m fine

lately things have gone from bad to worse

#009 - Freeloader - 2006

This was written during a really bad breakup and it's about someone I know. Anyone who knows her will get this right away anyone else just consider someone in their late twenties who lives at home and has never had a job. Intended for "The Gun Show" but hovering in the b-side zone a bit as well due to its very personal subject matter. Rerecorded in 2009 with organs.

"Freeloader"

I never should have let this run its course

Cuz lately things have gone from bad to worse

And no I’ve really got no sympathy

Cuz girl you used up all my energy

Freeloader when you gonna see?

I may be good for you but you’re bad for me

Freeloader when you gonna learn?

I’m never gonna fix you there’s no more bridge to burn

Well you know you wasted all my time

While living off of someone else’s dime

And no I don’t have one single regret

Because your biggest skill was getting me upset

Freeloader when you gonna see?

I may be good for you but you’re bad for me

Freeloader when you gonna learn?

I’m never gonna fix you there’s no more bridge to burn

You know I hardly ever saw you smile

And you were always putting me on trial

And no I won’t give in to all your games

Cuz girl I’m finally sick of taking all the blame

Freeloader when you gonna see?

I may be good for you but you’re bad for me

Freeloader when you gonna learn?

I’m never gonna fix you there’s no more bridge to burn

Freeloader please just leave me be

Freeloader you are killing me

they're all getting wasted they're all getting high

#008 - Where the Fuck's my Beer? - 2002

Written due to a bet all the way back in 2002. I pretty much sat on the chorus until this fall and then I ended up with something that I'm really happy with. The cool part is that the song kind of sums up my thoughts on being sober and hanging out with people who are drinking to excess. Written as part of "Emotional Masochism" and going to end up as part of it. The guitar craziness that is the second half of the song was inspired by Nirvana's "Live at Reading" DVD and I did it as kind of an homage to Kurt.

"Where the Fuck's my Beer?"

They’re all getting wasted

They’re all getting high

I’m just playing cool

Like I’m an ordinary guy

Deep down I wanna go there

I wanna get messed up

I wanna drown my sorrow

In this sea of plastic cups

Where the fuck’s my beer?

It used to be right here

But now it disappeared

Oh where the fuck’s my beer?

I could wait til you’re distracted

Then maybe have a sip

And I’m getting so nervous

Cuz I really don’t wanna slip

Cuz after I get loaded

The lights all fade to dark

It makes my brain think awful thoughts

and tears my world apart

Where the fuck’s my beer?

It used to be right here

But now it disappeared

Oh where the fuck’s my beer?

This isn’t entertaining

I’m not having any fun

It really gets depressing

When you’re the sober one

I guess that I’ll just sit here

Waiting for you all to hurl

And then when you’re not looking

I’m leaving with your girl

Where the fuck’s my beer?

It used to be right here

But now it’s disappeared

Oh where the fuck’s my beer?