Last year I wrote, recorded and released over 100 songs on my own in my own way. Something that I'm not sure many have done and honestly, something I wasn't sure I could do. Over the course of that year, I was offered a record deal and turned it down, got violently ill and lost my voice for over a month, and then became antisocial due to anxiety until it got to a level that may have only previously been seen in Sly Stone.
Earlier this year I made a decision to move home. It was a terribly difficult decision because at the time I was clicking with the city I lived in and I was in a groove. It was the absolute right decision and I'm finally where I should be and with the people I needed to be with and while there has been a gap in my music production, there's a very definite reason for it. Or several actually...
Being a fan of so many prolific artists I never used to understand why artists take time off between records. What I'm starting to understand is that every time you record a new group of songs, it pulls something out of you and truly does shift the world around you in ways that are often difficult to understand and also difficult to grasp. When I started recording the 100 Demos, I was starving for validation that I could write decent music. When I originally posted the first 15 here on New Year's Eve '10 I didn't get much feedback and it frustrated me to the point that I became a wreck and lost faith in what I was doing.
Then, in April I posted the songs to Soundcloud because I had listened to a track by one of the artists I most admire that was posted out there. Thank you Orion. Thank you DRA...again. After that it all changed. I couldn't predict that people would actually care and it fueled the fire continually for months and months. Just knowing someone will listen is sometimes more important than them listening. I quit sending my music to my close friends and just started down this other path.
I guess the point is this. I started doing this on a quest for validation that was possibly extraneous because I listen to enough music that I can generally tell what is "good" and what isn't. Honestly though, where I've landed is that art is art and what I might think is not so good or is great changes based on circumstances in my life. There really is no "good" or "bad." There really is just did you create something or did you just talk about it.
I've drifted a bit...the point is that I haven't recorded as much this year because I have changed. My perception has changed, my location has changed and I'm around people who have been missing from my life for the last five years and I've just been taking that in and loving every minute of it because I've needed them more than I will ever admit (except this one time). Mostly the same way I needed to write all those songs. 2012 will be a big year. I promise. You will be able to buy vinyl directly from this site, facebook or from the Broken Pony site once I have a minute to launch it and I was talking to my brother tonight about planning some sessions.
So in closing, for those of you who have been there for the last year plus (or for all of those years), please know:
You are my light.
I can't thank you enough for what you have given me. I don't know if this post will even do my thoughts justice but I figured I would try. Thank you.
